What is the Colour of Love?... Finding Mr. White
- suzettecampbell
- 2 hours ago
- 7 min read
Updated: 1 hour ago
Once upon a time, there were two Black American sisters who rose from the trenches to dominate a predominantly white sport called tennis. On the tennis court, their presence would hardly be missed with their trademark natural hair in corn rows, twists, plaits and beads, as they played opposite their much lighter-skinned and straight-haired opponents. With their multiple Grand Slam titles came fame, wealth, and the criticism that often besets those in the spotlight. But the most scandalous thing about the Williams sisters – Venus and Serena, was their strong black features. Too strong, even for blacks like them.
With well-built athletic bodies, the Williams sisters have been compared to men, called unattractive, among other things, with perhaps the only real compliment being that of Serena’s derriere – a feature that black men in particular revere. But that’s as good as it has been for these sisters who as they experimented with personal styles - weaves, wigs, and make-up, the criticisms grew louder, as they could never get it right. And as we witnessed, finding Mr. Right within the black community was a challenge. Serena dated black rappers including Drake and Common for approximately seven years total – none of whom put a ring on it. Venus, however, seems to have made up her mind long ago about Mr. Right being White, as a quick Google search on her relationship history links her to not one black man.
Like many other women, these sisters want to be loved. Not the surface, bare minimum type, but that deep love that is fueled by care, communication, commitment, affection, respect, responsibility, and trust. Krystal Tomlinson-Carter shortens this as C.C.A.R.R.T. It pretty much encompasses the range of emotions and actions that one expects from another who declares love for another. Unfortunately, what many of us experience is not what we desire or deserve and leaves us questioning the very existence of love.
The Colour of Love
If the end goal is marriage, then for all intents and purposes we will equate that major act with love. Indeed, it is the ultimate commitment – one which has been steadily declining particularly among black people. For example, in America, statistics show that in 2021 nearly 54% of the White population over the age of 15 was married, compared to 31.2% of the Black population. Roughly half of the Black population has never been married, compared to 27.5% of the White population. While a significant racial gap exists today, this is a relatively recent development. In the mid-20th century, marriage rates were similar, with Black women in the 1950s more likely to be married than White women, according to studies. The decline in marriage rates is particularly pronounced among Black women; in their early 40s, fewer than two-thirds of Black women have married, compared to nearly 9 in 10 White women.
Statistically, it appears that a Black woman’s best chance of marrying comes with dating a White man. But not without that man’s love for her and her loyalty to the Black race being questioned vociferously. Rejected as the ‘ugly duckling’, a Black woman being loved by a White man is often met with suspicion. Is it her money? Is he poor? Did no woman in his race find him attractive?
Colourism and the Angry Black Woman
A Black woman choosing a White man is the proverbial forbidden fruit, despite the widely held view that Black men are prone to preferring lighter shades and are likely to choose one of a lighter hue when he finds himself wealthy. It is immediately evident in the choices made by some famous Black men in sports, music, film, etc.
Studies indicate that while many individuals have no preference, a segment of Black men shows a preference for lighter-skinned or mixed-race women, sometimes viewing such relationships as a status symbol.
According to the National Library of Medicine, numerous narratives have suggested that this is due to historical stereotyping of darker skin Black women as hypersexual, hostile, and emasculating partners, while kindness, popularity, attractiveness and socially desirability have been associated with lighter-skinned Black women.
The preference for lighter skin is also heavily influenced by media, where lighter-skinned individuals are often overrepresented in beauty standards, leading to a "ranking" of women based on skin tone.
Studies also indicate that over time, darker-skinned women are affected in terms of their self-esteem, self-identity, and interpersonal relationship dynamics. They feel less desired or unfairly judged within their own community.
Finding Mr. White
The judgment and scrutiny are never-ending. Serena Williams, now married to Reddit co-founder, Alexis Ohanian since 2017, is accused of skin bleaching which critics claim she did to fit in with her White husband. Her recent weight loss on Ro has also placed her in the spotlight. But Alexis refuses to allow any negativity about his wife to go unchecked, often defending her publicly, even when they criticised her complexion in family photos saying, “Where are all the comments from idiots who don’t understand how photography lighting works?” Alright, Mr. Ohanian! I see you.
Venus sent tongues wagging in late 2025 when she married Italian actor, producer, and model Andrea Preti. The tennis legend was looking as soft and beautiful as ever leaning on her husband’s shoulder, among other poses in stunning wedding photos. According to Vogue, the couple first met in 2024 during Milan Fashion Week—at an event neither was originally supposed to attend. “We met at the Gucci show,” Venus remembers. “I was in Lake Como on a sisters’ trip when I got an invite at the last minute and decided to go on a whim, and Andrea was tired. Neither of us was planning on being there.” Talk about fate!
The newly wedded Williams sister’s ‘white wedding’ has caused a stir in the black community as many chided the act with renewed disgust for Serena’s 2017 wedding to Alexis. Why did two Black tennis legends marry outside their race? Was there no Black man who was worthy?
The Instagram page @darkskinwomen.backup had a few words to say, pointing out that before the Williams sisters were married, they were repeatedly ridiculed, framed as undesirable, and praise was inconsistent. “Now that they are settled, loved, and thriving beyond spot, a new narrative is circulating that they were always adored and protected. For some, that feels less like truth and more like revision.”
A Black female commenter on another page wrote “The world takes a perverse pleasure in seeing black women alone, sad, beaten and broken. God forbid someone sees us for who we are and actively chooses to love on us. (The comments about him wanting her money irritates me too. Venus nor Serena didn’t get to where they are financially by being stupid).”
Milk in her Coffee
As mere onlookers, we will never know beyond what the famous allows us to see. So, I asked Black Jamaican women who have lived in the United States for more than five years to describe what they have observed in that country’s culture when it comes to having a relationship with a Black man vs a White man.
Keisha has dated one white man. "A lot of it is cultural - Italian vs Irish, etc. It plays a role in how they act but certain things are general. I found that he was very chivalrous with simple things like getting my chair or the door. Holding hands in public - they don't mind these things."
She goes on to highlight other differences. "They are more for going out, whereas a Black man may look forward to you cooking for him. Another thing is they are very outgoing. While you plan to do chores or sleep on the weekend, a white man wants to go out and do something adventurous. He couldn't understand why I needed to use my Saturday to clean rather than go out and enjoy the sun."
She goes on to point out that like the Black Jamaican men, the White man is ok with paying the bill at a restaurant. However, the Black American man wants to go 50/50.
"They love to give gifts - even a bunch of roses. They are quicker to marry, and they will own your kids. You'll see a White man referring to a Black child as his son. I think Black men will do it, but not as easily," she added.
For those reasons, Keisha believes a Black woman might be inclined to choose a White man.
According to Gail, “What I realise is that the other races are more respectful of their partner. Emotional attachment is one of their biggest things. You can see the affection. A woman may find them too clingy. If there is something that a woman doesn’t like about them, they are willing to change and grow. They do the things to please their woman.”
Reflecting on the experience with her own race, Gail pointed out, “A Black man’s thing is more about fulfilling his ego. They always want to be in control, and some are afraid of women who might be of a certain standard; they always want to be above the woman. My friend is married to a White man, and he is willing to go above and beyond to care for her. He will work two jobs. He tries to uplift himself to be on a certain level with her, while a Black man may criticise you for having a degree and accuse you of being better than him. I think Black women will gravitate towards feeling respect and love.”
Still, like Gail, many Black women have never dated a White man, and perhaps never will. Surely, women have had horrible experiences with White men, as heartbreak knows no colour. Some day, we will examine the highs and lows of interracial coupling.
For example, Keisha points out that whether Black or White, they lie and cheat the same.
To the 'brother', Olivia Dean sang it best, “Just come be the man I need.”
Hope for Black Love
Still, there is no denying that a strong Black love as depicted by Former President of the United States, Barack Obama and First Lady, Michelle Obama is unmatched. Though Barack is half Black if we are to get technical, to the community, he is simply Black. The beautiful Michelle does not fit society’s stereotypical beauty standard. There is something to unpack there. Theirs is a love worthy of emulation, depicting what mutual respect and commitment between a Black man and a Black woman can yield. As we celebrate Black History month and Love month, may this type of powerful Black Love shoot from Cupid’s arrow into our hearts.
I am Suzette Campbell
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